Does Menopause Cause Divorce?

menopause alchemist podcast menopause relationships May 06, 2026

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First, they blamed our periods. Now they’re blaming our menopause. They’ve even coined a new term: Menodivorce.

And if I may be blunt in my not so humble opinion, blaming menopause for divorce is absolute bullshit. Menopause doesn’t cause divorce. Throwing a potted plant at your husband’s head? Now THAT might be menopause.

Menopause doesn’t make you search for a divorce lawyer, meet with that lawyer, go through the process of dividing up assets, and potentially settling child custody, all of which could take YEARS.

Shitty marriages cause divorce, not menopause.

However, there is one thing we can give menopause credit for.

Menopause does have a way of unmasking the things we’ve been trying to hide or work around. Doesn’t matter if that’s previously undiagnosed ADHD, an unfulfilling career, or yes, an unfulfilling marriage.

Menopause is gonna make you face facts, including forcing us to sit with our mortality. And once the fact that we aren’t going to live forever finally sinks in, we start looking at the things in our life in a new light, and relationships that are draining us are usually the first things to go under the microscope.

Before we get into the numbers, let’s take a quick look back at how menopausal women have historically been treated. I’m talking culturally, not medically here because we all know that has been, and continues to be, a shit show. But I think it’s important we look at some of the cultural norms of not that long ago to see if there are other things besides menopause spurring the increase in divorce rates.

How Society Historically Treated Women "Of A Certain Age"

We all know that it was perfectly legal to discriminate in housing and banking based on sex, race, religion, and other currently protected categories until the late 60s/early to mid-70s. And women still couldn’t legally own a business on their own until 1988. So, regardless of age, women have historically been economically oppressed for the vast majority of the Unites States’ (and world’s) history.

Ok, so that’s the broader economic piece. What about in marriage specifically?

Marital rape was legal until 1993 and just recently we found out about the 62 million views the rape academy website got in just 28 days so just because laws have changed, it doesn’t mean all the menfolk have suddenly started treating women as equals.

Men have been blaming menopause for their wives "going crazy" for ages. Husbands could have their wives committed to an insane asylum for just about any reason before the 1970s and that included perimenopause symptoms and the infertility that comes with postmenopause.

What was the diagnosis, you ask? “Menopause insanity,” because of course it was. And that’s if they didn’t already have them committed for “uterine derangement” associated with their periods.

Zero evidence was required, and once committed, they were often subjected to heinous “treatments” up to and including a clitoridectomy and even lobotomy. Basically, commitment to an insane asylum was an easy way for husbands to get rid of wives they no longer wanted or had use for.

But wait, there’s more!

There’s the grandmother hypothesis that suggests that menopausal women are better off spending their time and energy on helping raise their grandbabies than doing literally anything else. Now, my grandmother and great-grandmother were an instrumental part of my upbringing through elementary school and part of middle school, but my grandma worked, traveled, and had a vibrant social life.

As a GenXer, not only was I was shown a different way, I was encouraged to follow a different path by my mother and my grandmother. In fact, when I decided to not have kids, it was my grandmother, who was born in 1929, that was my fiercest advocate in that decision.

Why?

Because having a child with someone will tie you to the person forever and back then, the only way to get rid of a problematic husband was to poison him. And some of them did. But that all changed when no fault divorce was legalized in California in 1969, with most states following suit in the 70s, but some still held out all the way to 2010 (looking at you New York).

So, with that history in mind, I think we can all agree, there was bound to be some backlash, even for those of us that were born with economic rights and no-fault divorce. Our mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers all lived with the specter of cruel psychiatric treatments, beatings, and rape so it’s no wonder GenX is the first generation to hit perimenopause and peace out of marriages that ain’t working.

And everything I just talked about? Was 1,000 times worse for Black, Indigenous, and any other non-white women that have to deal with racism and colorism on top of all the sexist bullshit.

Does Menopause Cause Divorce?

OK, so we know the history is terrible and we can all agree that divorce is preferred to poisoning, even if poisoning is more cathartic. So, let’s look at the numbers that have everyone in a tizzy.

Overall divorce rates are dropping, but the divorce rates among the 50+ crowd has been increasing in recent years.

In 1990, almost 10% of all divorces in the United States were among adults 50 and over. By 2019, it had more than doubled to 25%. If we do the math, that means that the 50 year olds getting divorced in 1990 were born in 1940. We already talked about the lack of economic options these generations of women had. It’s extremely likely they stayed married because they didn’t have the finances to leave.

In 2019, those 50 year olds were born in 1969. They were toddlers when they got their first economic and legal rights. So, by the time they hit marriage age, not only did they know what their mothers and grandmothers had to deal with, they knew they had different options.

When I look at these stats, I see women choosing differently not only because they started to capitalize on the economic and legal freedom to do so, but culturally, the younger generations of women saw what their mothers and grandmothers went through and decided to opt out.

I mean, I’d be one of these statistics if I waited to get divorced until today instead of in the 90s but the reality is, that marriage should’ve ended when it did, if not sooner, and I wasn’t forced economically, legally, or culturally, to stay, so why would I?

And the last time I checked, menopause was a thing in 1990 too, so again, the numbers just don’t support menopause being the cause for increased divorce rates over the last 30 years or so.

Likewise, there’s a couple other situations I want to mention, not in detail but just something to think about, that could, and likely are, contributing to that divorce statistic, which again, has nothing to do with menopause.

How many men leave their wives AND their kids in some sort of mid-life crises? Why is menopause taking the blame when men lose their minds and buy sports cars or motorcycles and start chasing women in their 20s?

Or what happens when a spouse gets sick? My aunt had dementia and my uncle was advised to divorce her to protect their financial assets. He didn’t, and the state took every penny he got when he sold the house. How many of those divorces are included in that 25% from 2019?

Again, there is far more at play here than a woman’s hormones and blaming menopause is just a cop-out to avoid the very real issues our society faces.

What Role Does Menopause Play in Divorce?

We’ve established the numbers don’t support menopause as the primary cause for increasing divorce rates among the 50+ crowd, but does that mean menopause is entirely off the hook?

Kinda, yeah. Menopause can be a catalyst for change, but it doesn’t force us to change.

During the menopause transition, our hormones levels fluctuate wildly, and our moods may fluctuate right along with them. Small things we used to ignore are now deal breakers. The mental load we’ve carried for our spouse, children, and aging parents has become a burden we no longer want to carry alone.

But can you really blame us for prioritizing our own health and well-being, usually for the first time in our lives?

As I said earlier, menopause unmasks existing problems in relationships. Sometimes those can be worked through, and sometimes they can’t. Either way, menopause is still merely a catalyst for change.

Do some people get divorced during perimenopause and then regret it once their hormones have evened out postmenopause? Sure. I mean, I’m sure there are a lot of men who blame perimenopause for being served divorce papers, especially once they see her thriving postmenopause.

And I know there are some women who are convinced they were unfair to their husbands during perimenopause and regret filing. But I’d like to actually hear those stories, because I’m willing to bet they didn’t have a fulfilling marriage. As I said before, menopause may make you throw shit with surprising accuracy, but it doesn’t make you initiate and follow through on court proceedings that last months or even years.

Final Thoughts

Menopause is a stressful transition that affects us body, heart, and soul. It also has a knack for removing our ability to ignore the problems in our health, careers, and yes, relationships that have been festering for years.

While "menodivorce" specifically pertains to the relationship between spouses, the reality is that all relationships in our lives are subject to the same scrutiny as our marriage is. Non-romantic friendships that drain our energy are ended too. Ditto for problematic family members.

At some point, maintaining these relationships just isn’t worth the physical, emotional, and mental toll they take anymore. Is that menopause’s fault or the fault of a society that expects women to give more than they receive and then throws a fit when they try to do even the smallest thing for their own benefit?

For my part, I blame society and thank menopause for the clarity it brings, but before chucking any relationship in the bin, it might be worth, at the very least, an honest conversation first. Some things are fixable.